My brother died at 42, and ever since I haven't known how to answer the question, how many siblings do you have? I still say five (rather than four) because he will always be my brother, right? And just let the chips fall where they may on questions.

But sibling questions only come up rarely. The "how many kids do you have" question is CONSTANT. So I can guess how hard that must be. I wish you luck feeling your way to an answer that feels "right" to you. Maybe for a while, you will answer one way to avoid questions, and in the future, you will answer another way. That is definitely your right.