My family has always been uncommonly close (both geographically and relationship-wise) and we tend to think of ourselves as responsible people, but figuring out care for my mom has ripped the siblings apart in a way that I could never have anticipated. We largely agree on money matters and mom saved money for this very reason, and we all want the best for mom, and yet--everyone has a different opinion and is in a different place in life. This has really opened my eyes to how family estrangements and tensions happen.

Try not to worry. Sometimes you try to plan everything and it goes awry, and sometimes things just happen and you save a lot of time by just doing the best you can with the situation you're given. Remember that we are all individuals--your mom as well as you--and we often make our own choices for valid reasons, and just have to deal with each other "where we are."

Costs vary widely as well. It really depends on the care you need and where the facility is. You could also try to get everything ready and first thing you know--somebody passes on much more quickly than you think you will and none of this comes into play. I mainly am annoyed by the "wealth transfer" story peddled in the media and wanted to make people aware--that like many stories in the media, it may not really apply to you.