Oh yeah, we used to do this a lot. Another particular sticking point is how it is my way to get super cranky when I am worried, and take it out on those around me. Now that I am more aware of that, I try to dial down the crank and my spouse tries to recognize "oh, she's cranky and worrying because she loves us" and we're better at meeting somewhere in the middle.

If your spouse prefers not to communicate this way, try to follow her way a little bit more often and she might return the favor. I also wish you good luck with this!!