This is one of the most endlessly fascinating and jam-packed comments I've ever gotten, thank you.

Oh wait, did I mumble when I came to the end of that?!? That part of your comment made me shout in recognition over here--my spouse often accuses me of trailing off too!!

Hilariously, much like "cooperative overlapping," learning to adjust it and speaking with people who don't have it requires a lot of cooperation as well. I think it bugs my husband no end but he's a good sport who I know has gracefully allowed my conversation to run wild over a lot of his. He has the grace to allow my thinking out loud (excellent point there) and overtalking, so I think it's only fair to try and match his style more closely sometimes too. The "pause and think" method can feel more distant--but it has also saved me from saying stuff that really doesn't add anything to the world. Recently I also learned to run through a "is it truthful?" "is it kind?" "Is it NECESSARY?" framework, and I think that has been a net gain. I've lost a bit of spontaneity, but I've also lost a bit of obnoxiousness, and that's okay.

I wish you luck communicating with and staying in touch with your friend. Oddly enough my "saying a lot of wild stuff out loud just to see how people react" pattern has worked well with my introversion--I only have so much energy to speak with people, and saying bonkers (but hopefully never unkind) stuff really helps me to more quickly narrow dow the crow to the people who will be more willing overlapping conversational friends.

Last but not least--I enjoyed your talking out loud at the end of your comment to get to the "pulling out thoughts and emotions" in cooperative family dynamics maybe edging toward manipulation. That definitely goes on in my family. A lot. A lot a lot.

Thanks for reading!